• cleeliauudamcosta

Sometimes We Want Something for the Wrong Reasons

Yes for sure! Just in case I rephrase — sometimes what we want is not what we actually want.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Sometimes what we want is a path to achieve some hidden or underlying need or desire. And quite often, it is hidden even from ourselves.


If we do not take time to think about the why behind our goals and dreams we might end up wanting something for the wrong reasons. We might end up wanting something thinking it is what we are expected to do or hoping it is what we need to do.


Well sometimes it works out well. But others it fails. Do you also happen to be familiar with the feeling of achieving some big dream only to realise that nothing really changed in your life and nothing changed in the way you feel in your life and about yourself. Despite your hopes, the void simply did not get filled.


Said all that it is important to note that this wisdom of taking time to go deeper can actually also be used as a shortcut for achieving your dreams. The real dreams!


If you allow yourself to go a bit deeper and if you take time to understand what is it that you really want and what is the why behind this wanting, you might realize that it is much easier to achieve your goals and dreams as there just might be much easier and faster ways to fulfil your needs and your deepest desires.

You might not need to prove something to the world (and to yourself) in order to belong. You might not need to take on more responsibility in order to create more freedom. You might not need to “have/do/achieve” more in order to become more and to feel more.

A recent client of mine was determined to start some sort of a business. While she did not have one concrete idea, she had many different ideas. The only thing in common for all these ideas was the desire to create a community. It did not take long time to understand that what she was actually yearning for was a sense of belonging. She was looking for more connection and to be part of a community. Soon enough she understood that there did exist many easier and faster alternative ways to fill this need and desire.

There are many ways to increase your sense of belonging.

Recently I have started myself to question my own goals and dreams with heightened sense of curiosity. Trust me, this is very exciting! I have been questioning my motives and noticed my triggers. I have developed further my idea about how to live an authentic life. At no time, it is about giving up, it is always about “adjusting course” and finding ways to move forward with more ease and flow.


Sometimes you might avoid thinking too much about your goal or dream in hand because most of us are told when growing up that “once you start something you should finish”. Surely this is an important principle in life and relevant to so many circumstances as it helps us to be motivated, consistent and to follow through.


But.. it might be important to say that it is also okay to change. It is okay to let go of your goals and dreams in case they are out of alignment with your truth. It is okay to give up and move on even if it feels uncomfortable and disappoints others. Sometimes we hold on to something way too long only because we are ashamed to give up and afraid to let down ourselves and others. Nobody, especially your mom, likes stories of giving up, but sometimes it is exactly what you need to do in order to make space for something better.


Have you ever looked at your goals and dreams from this perspective?


Love C.


(Originally published via https://medium.com/@cleelia)